Most of What We Say Is Not Really About Information The older I get, the more I realize that much of what holds relationships together looks almost too small to matter. We spend a good part of the day saying things that carry very little important information. We ask, “How was your day?” even when
The Little Things That Quietly Hold Us Together Read More »
Why Words Matter More Than We Think Some people know how to speak in a way that leaves others feeling respected, even when the answer is no. That skill is not about being slick, fake, or overly polished. It is about understanding that words can protect both the relationship and the boundary at the same
Knowing What to Say: The Quiet Power of Emotional Intelligence Read More »
When a Season Starts Feeling Like an Identity There are seasons in life that become so important to us that we slowly begin to confuse the season with who we are. A marriage can become more than a relationship and start feeling like the whole definition of a life. Motherhood can become so consuming that
You Were Never Meant to Live Forever in One Chapter Read More »
The Distance Between Us Life has a way of carrying people we love in different directions, sometimes before we are ready for the separation. Family members move away, friends begin new chapters, and people who once lived around the corner can suddenly be hundreds or thousands of miles from us. As I have grown older,
When Love Travels Across the Distance Read More »
What Alignment Really Means Alignment may be one of the most important qualities in a lasting relationship, but it is easy to confuse it with attraction. Chemistry can feel powerful enough to make me believe everything else will somehow work itself out. Enjoying somebody’s company can also create the impression that we are naturally meant
Relationship Alignment: When Two Whole People Choose the Same Direction Read More »
The Argument Beneath the Argument Some of the hardest arguments I have experienced were not difficult because somebody was lying. They were difficult because both people believed they were telling the truth. I remembered the conversation one way. The other person remembered it differently. I believed I was being reasonable. They believed the same thing
Looking Back at an Earlier Kind of Marriage I sometimes hear men say that today’s man has to work much harder to find a good woman than his grandfather did. They may also believe that women today bring less to a relationship than women did in earlier generations. The statement is exaggerated, but the frustration
Were Our Grandparents Better at Love, or Did They Live in a Different World? Read More »
Beauty Is Usually Described as an Advantage We live in a culture that generally treats physical attractiveness as an advantage. Attractive people can receive more attention, more romantic interest, and sometimes more favorable first impressions. Because of that, it is easy to assume that a beautiful woman moves through life with an easier road than
When Beauty Becomes Complicated: The Social Price of Being an Attractive Woman Read More »
Somebody Taking the Time to Know Me There is a particular kind of intimacy that has very little to do with grand romantic gestures. It happens when a man takes the time to learn her slowly. They are not rushing to claim her after only two conversations. They are not calling her the love of
The Intimacy of Being Learned Slowly Read More »
I Can Love the Comedian and Still Question the Joke I can respect a Black comedian and appreciate her talent while still feeling uncomfortable with some of the humor. That discomfort comes when her Blackness, appearance, relationships, or dignity becomes part of the joke. At times, it can feel as though she is being invited