Detailed Breakdown and Explanation:

This passage explores the idea that our relationships, particularly romantic ones, bring up unresolved emotional wounds from childhood. These wounds, if not acknowledged and healed, can manifest as triggers within the relationship, impacting how we relate to and communicate with our partner. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns, responding with compassion, and being vulnerable to foster deeper connection and growth.

1. “Who are you and you will clearly have a partner that will activate any of the triggers that are inside of you from childhood that are looking to be seen, presence integrated and healed.”

• Meaning: This part suggests that in any relationship, our partner will inevitably bring up unresolved issues from our past, especially from childhood. These unresolved emotions and experiences are often triggered by our partner’s behavior, leading to reactions that might feel disproportionate to the current situation. The “triggers” represent old wounds that we still carry with us, waiting to be healed through recognition and integration.
• Message: Relationships are not only about love and companionship; they also provide a space for personal growth and healing, allowing us to confront old wounds and work toward healing them.

2. “I’ll give one example with my husband… when he was younger his dad was really busy at work and his little boy didn’t feel important so he projected that on to me.”

• Meaning: The speaker gives a personal example of how a past experience of her husband’s (feeling neglected by his father due to his father’s work commitments) was projected onto her. When the speaker became busy at work, her husband’s past emotional wound was triggered, causing him to feel neglected, despite her intentions to focus on work.
• Message: This highlights how childhood experiences shape our emotional responses in adulthood. Unresolved feelings from the past can be projected onto our current partners, often causing misunderstandings or unnecessary conflict.

3. “It’s really important to understand your wounds and your patterns and your partner’s so you can hold them with compassion, not take it personally.”

• Meaning: The speaker stresses the importance of self-awareness and understanding not only your own emotional triggers but also your partner’s. Recognizing the emotional patterns that come from childhood wounds enables both partners to approach their triggers with empathy rather than reacting defensively.
• Message: When we understand that our partner’s hurtful words or behaviors may stem from their own unresolved issues, we can respond with compassion rather than taking it personally or becoming defensive. This promotes emotional safety and reduces conflict.

4. “You could have protective parts—these are defense mechanisms.”

• Meaning: This part refers to the idea that when a person’s emotional wounds are triggered, they may respond with defensive behaviors, which are referred to as “protective parts.” These defense mechanisms could involve shutting down emotionally, becoming hostile, or withdrawing in an attempt to protect the heart from further pain.
• Message: Understanding that defensive responses (like shutting down or lashing out) are a form of emotional protection is key to navigating conflicts. It allows both partners to see these behaviors as mechanisms to cope with fear or hurt, rather than as intentional acts of harm.

5. “If my husband were to say, ‘You’re so busy, like why do you keep working?’”

• Meaning: Here, the speaker provides an example of how a defensive response might sound. If the husband were to express frustration about her working too much, it could trigger a defensive reaction in her (perhaps feeling blamed or criticized).
• Message: The speaker uses this example to show that when someone feels emotionally vulnerable, they may use passive-aggressive or indirect statements to express their feelings instead of being open and vulnerable about what they need.

6. “If he were to blame or judge or stay in this protector part, I would get offensive and then I would further disconnect from him.”

• Meaning: The speaker explains how a defensive or judgmental response from her husband could lead to further disconnection. If he stayed in a protective state rather than being vulnerable, it could cause a rift in their communication, as she would likely react defensively as well.
• Message: When both partners are in defense mode, it prevents healthy communication and deepens emotional distance. Vulnerability and openness are necessary for emotional connection and resolving issues.

7. “But if he was willing to be vulnerable and drop into the vulnerability underneath that has protected his heart and say, ‘I miss you and I’m scared we’re falling apart…’”

• Meaning: The speaker contrasts the defensive response with a more vulnerable and open approach. If her husband were able to express his emotions directly—acknowledging that he misses her and fears their relationship is in trouble—this would create space for mutual understanding and connection.
• Message: Vulnerability is the key to emotional intimacy. When partners are able to express their fears, needs, and desires openly, it fosters trust, empathy, and connection.

8. “Thanks for telling me that, stop self-sabotage and want to learn exactly how to co-create a healthy lasting relationship.”

• Meaning: The speaker emphasizes the importance of learning from each other and stopping self-sabotaging behaviors that undermine the relationship. By openly discussing issues and engaging in mutual learning, the couple can actively work together to build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
• Message: Relationships require effort from both sides. Being willing to learn, communicate openly, and be vulnerable helps build a lasting, healthy partnership.

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Key Takeaways:

This passage explores the dynamics of emotional triggers, childhood wounds, and the importance of vulnerability in relationships. The main points can be summarized as:

1. Unresolved Childhood Wounds: Partners will trigger each other’s unresolved emotional issues, which can create conflict unless they are recognized and addressed.
2. Protective Defense Mechanisms: People often use defense mechanisms to protect themselves when vulnerable, which can lead to misunderstandings and disconnection if not communicated effectively.
3. Vulnerability for Connection: Vulnerability is the antidote to defensiveness. When partners open up about their fears and feelings, it creates deeper connection and understanding.
4. Compassion and Empathy: Understanding your own and your partner’s emotional patterns allows for compassionate responses rather than reacting defensively or personally.
5. Co-Creation of a Healthy Relationship: Relationships require ongoing effort and willingness from both partners to learn, grow, and communicate effectively in order to co-create a healthy, lasting partnership.

In essence, the message encourages couples to recognize the impact of their emotional past, approach conflict with compassion, and choose vulnerability over defensiveness to foster a healthy and lasting relationship.