We Call Ourselves Good Friends Too Easily Most people, if you ask them, will tell you they are good friends. I probably would have said the same thing without giving it much thought. But if you peel the onion back just a little, the answer gets more complicated. Being friendly is not the same thing
Most of Us Are Not as Good at Friendship as We Think Read More »
Do Not Start With the Accusation When somebody seems jealous and begins putting you down in conversations, the easiest response is to say, “You are jealous of me.” I understand the temptation because sometimes jealousy really may be involved. But that sentence usually ends the conversation before it begins. Very few people are going to
When Jealousy Starts Damaging a Relationship Read More »
A Young Woman Doing What Nobody Expected I want to introduce you to a young woman whose life was short but whose impact was anything but small. Her name was Alice Augusta Ball. She was born in Seattle in 1892 and showed an early talent for science and chemistry. She studied pharmaceutical chemistry and pharmacy
Alice Augusta Ball: The Young Chemist Who Changed the Treatment of Hansen’s Disease Read More »
Freedom Was Never Supposed to Stop at Our Door When I think about the Black freedom struggle at its best, I do not think the goal was simply to get the boot off our own necks and then walk away. I think the deeper hope was to challenge the kind of system that puts a
The Struggle Was Always Bigger Than Us Read More »
Believe the Information You Are Being Given When a man says he is not ready to commit, I think the safest thing a woman can do is believe him. Do not punish him, diagnose him, or spend months trying to prove that you are patient, loving, or understanding enough to change his mind. Sometimes people
When He Says He Is Not Ready to Commit Read More »
Stop Treating Time Like It Is Unlimited I keep hearing people say, “Thirty is the new twenty,” and I understand what they are trying to say. They mean your life is not over at thirty. They mean you can still change careers, fall in love, go back to school, build a business, start over, or
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I Can Understand Both Sides This is one of those relationship conversations where I can understand both people even when their feelings seem to contradict each other. I understand why a man might want a paternity test. A woman experiences pregnancy in a way a man never can because she knows biologically that the child
A Paternity Test May Give You Certainty, But What Does It Say About Trust? Read More »
Showing Up as Your Real Self One of the hardest things to do in any relationship is show up as your real self. Many of us want intimacy, but we also want protection from disappointment, rejection, conflict, and pain. So we begin editing ourselves. We hold back what we really feel. We soften truths that
Love Without Losing Yourself Read More »
When the Most Profitable Picture Is the Worst One I want you to sit with this question for a minute because I think it takes the conversation about internalized racism somewhere deeper. What happens when the most profitable version of Black visibility is the version that makes Black people easier to blame? We usually talk
When Blaming Black People Becomes Profitable Read More »
The Thought That Disturbed Me I caught myself thinking something today that disturbed me, and I had to sit with it for a minute. My brother called me from a diner and described two Black people nearby: a woman talking loudly on the phone about her child’s father being on probation and a young man
When One Image Starts Looking Like a Whole Race Read More »