The Mathematics of Friendship One of the more interesting studies I have encountered about friendship came from Jeffrey Hall, a researcher at the University of Kansas. He wanted to understand something most of us experience but rarely try to measure: how much time does it actually take for one person to become a friend? His
Friendship Takes Time: Why Showing Up Matters Read More »
What Success Looked Like When I Was Young When I was a young man, success looked different to me than it does today. Like many young people, I associated getting ahead with what I could accomplish and what other people could see. Money mattered to me. Having a good job and earning a decent living
A Life Worth Keeping: How My Definition of Success Changed Read More »
The Conversation That Never Really Stops There is one person I have been talking to for my entire life, and that person is me. Long before I understood anything about psychology, I knew there was a voice inside my head constantly commenting on what was happening. It reminded me of things I needed to do,
The Voice I Hear Most: Learning How to Talk to Myself Read More »
Another Nervous System Inside Us For most of my life, when I heard somebody talk about having a “gut feeling,” I understood it as a figure of speech. We say something does not sit right with us, that we have butterflies in our stomach, or that our gut is telling us not to trust a
The Second Brain: When My Gut Has Something to Say Read More »
A System That Did Not Treat Us the Same As a young Black man coming of age during the Vietnam War, military service was more than a political debate taking place in Washington. It was hanging over the lives of young men my age. We knew that a letter from the Selective Service System could
The Draft Was Not Equal: Black Men and the Vietnam War Read More »
What I Mean When I Talk About Attraction I have come to understand the law of attraction less as magic and more as a way of thinking about attention, intention, and behavior. The phrase “like attracts like” sounds simple, but life is more complicated than wishing for something and waiting for the universe to deliver
When Intention Gives My Choices a Direction Read More »
Life Does Not Wait in Line One of the biggest misconceptions about adulthood is believing life will patiently happen in sequence. Many people believe they can handle life one step at a time—first school, then a career, money, relationships, family, and health. Spirituality often gets pushed to the end, as something to think about later.
Adulthood Is Not a Straight Line Read More »
When Access Changes Your Standards I remember having wealthy friends who would invite me into places I probably would not have entered on my own. These were the kind of rooms where everything felt elevated, from the service to the atmosphere to the way people moved through the space. The food was different, the attention
Some People Were Meant to Experience You, Not Keep You Read More »
More Than a Simple Love Song When I listen to Tupac’s “Dear Mama,” I hear more than a son simply telling his mother that he loves her. I hear gratitude, pain, memory, loyalty, disappointment, and forgiveness all moving through the same song. That is what makes it feel so much deeper than an ordinary tribute.
“Dear Mama” Was Love, Gratitude, Pain, and a Debt He Could Never Fully Repay Read More »
Who Do You Become When You Drink? I have always found it interesting how differently people behave once alcohol enters the picture. Some people become happier, louder, friendlier, and suddenly want to talk to everybody in the room. Others become sad and start talking about things they have not mentioned in years. Some become angry,
What Alcohol Can Reveal About the Parts of Us We Hide Read More »