The Argument Beneath the Argument Some of the hardest arguments I have experienced were not difficult because somebody was lying. They were difficult because both people believed they were telling the truth. I remembered the conversation one way. The other person remembered it differently. I believed I was being reasonable. They believed the same thing
The Sentence That Comes After the Mistake There is a sentence I have probably said more times than I care to admit: “Well, I already blew it.” I may say it after eating something I promised myself I would avoid. I may say it after spending money that was not in my budget. I may
“I Already Blew It”: How One Mistake Becomes an Excuse to Give Up Read More »
The Lesson Pilots Learn One of the strongest lessons from aviation has very little to do with airplanes and a great deal to do with life. Pilots learn that there are moments when they cannot safely trust what their bodies are telling them. When clouds, fog, darkness, or bad weather remove the visible horizon, the
Trust Your Instruments: When Feelings and Facts Point in Different Directions Read More »
People Will Try to Define You One of the realities of life is that people become comfortable with the version of us they already know. Once they have placed me in a particular category, they may expect me to remain there. If I have spent years doing one kind of work, they assume that is
You Are More Than What You Have Always Done: Knowing When to Reinvent Yourself Read More »
Someone May Know Me Before I Know They Exist When we first started sharing our lives on social media, I do not think we fully understood how much it would change the way we connect with one another. I may believe I am simply posting photographs, celebrating accomplishments, talking about a vacation, sharing an opinion,
The Stranger Who Already Knows You: Love, Social Media, and Manufactured Familiarity Read More »
Somebody Taking the Time to Know Me There is a particular kind of intimacy that has very little to do with grand romantic gestures. It happens when a man takes the time to learn her slowly. They are not rushing to claim her after only two conversations. They are not calling her the love of
The Intimacy of Being Learned Slowly Read More »
Matching Energy Is Not Always Strength There is a phrase I hear often these days: “I’m just matching their energy.” Somebody becomes distant, so I become distant. They raise their voice, so I raise mine. They stop calling, so I stop calling. They become angry, and I make sure they understand that I can become
A Man Does Not Have to Match the Storm Read More »
“Sometimes You Just Have to Cuss People Out” I have heard people say, “Sometimes you just have to cuss somebody out because that’s the only way they’ll respect you.” I understand where that thinking comes from. There are people who test boundaries, mistake kindness for weakness, and continue pushing until somebody finally pushes back. In
I Don’t Have to Lose My Temper to Prove My Strength Read More »
Knowing What to Say Is Only Half the Work I have listened to people who clearly knew their subject and still had difficulty holding a room. Their information was accurate. Their presentation was organized. Their vocabulary was impressive. Yet after a few minutes, I could almost feel people’s attention drifting away. The speaker had something
Speak So People Listen: The Quiet Power of Cadence Read More »
Why Good Intentions Are Not Enough I have reached a point in life where I understand that wanting something good to happen and creating the conditions that allow it to happen are two different things. I can hope for stronger families, safer communities, better schools, economic opportunity, racial justice, peace, and equality. I can pray
Pray, Then Move: When Faith Must Become Action Read More »