Breakdown:

1. Introduction: The Paradox of Self-Sabotage
   • People often sabotage relationships with “green flags” (positive qualities) due to internal conflicts and emotional patterns. Even when the relationship is healthy, individuals may act against their best interest, undermining their chance for happiness.
2. Core Beliefs and Low Self-Esteem
   • Many individuals carry negative core beliefs about themselves, often formed in childhood or through past relationships. They might feel unworthy of love or believe that love should involve struggle. When faced with a kind, supportive partner, they may reject it because it contradicts their ingrained sense of self-worth.
3. Familiarity with Chaos and Dysfunction
   • If someone’s past is filled with chaotic or turbulent relationships, they may associate emotional highs and lows with “real” love. When a relationship lacks these chaotic elements, they might feel uneasy and subconsciously try to recreate the instability they’re used to, equating calm with boredom or lack of passion.
4. Barriers to Intimacy
   • A person’s self-esteem can act as a barrier to emotional intimacy. If they don’t have self-compassion or believe they deserve love, they may mistrust anyone who offers them affection. This can lead to doubting the partner’s intentions and sabotaging the relationship to protect themselves from perceived harm.
5. Fear of Vulnerability and Emotional Exposure
   • Healthy relationships require vulnerability. For individuals who have been hurt before, allowing someone in can feel risky. They may sabotage the relationship as a defense mechanism to avoid potential pain, even when the relationship is positive.
6. Attachment Styles and Their Influence
   • People with anxious attachment styles often feel the need to obsess over a relationship, confusing anxiety with love. In a secure relationship, without that anxiety, they might feel disconnected. Meanwhile, avoidant individuals may feel overwhelmed by intimacy and push away a partner to maintain emotional distance.
7. Love Without Chaos Feels Foreign
   • Some people believe love should be dramatic, passionate, and full of ups and downs. When love is peaceful and steady, it can seem dull or unfulfilling. The absence of emotional turbulence may be misinterpreted as a lack of connection, leading to self-sabotage.
8. The Internal Conflict: Comfort vs. Growth
   • Healthy relationships often encourage emotional growth, which can feel uncomfortable for those accustomed to instability. This discomfort may push individuals to sabotage the relationship in order to avoid facing their deeper emotional issues.
9. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
   • Those with negative beliefs about love and self-worth may unconsciously create the very outcomes they fear. By instigating conflict, pushing their partner away, or becoming emotionally unavailable, they ensure the relationship fails, reinforcing their belief that love is always a struggle.
10. Conclusion: Breaking the Cycle

• To overcome self-sabotage, individuals must confront their core beliefs, build self-esteem, and learn to embrace peace and stability in relationships. Healing requires self-awareness and the willingness to grow beyond past emotional patterns, allowing space for healthy love.