When Nothing Around You Looks Like Possibility Let me speak directly to the young Black man and the young Black woman in their teens, twenties, or thirties. If you feel something inside you that is bigger than your current situation, this is for you. I remember standing at a bus stop in Compton, California, rain […]
Only You Can Stop You: A Message to the One Who Feels the Fire Read More »
The Question People Whisper There is a question people whisper but rarely say out loud: is Black culture self-destructive or self-expressive? Depending on who you ask, the answer changes dramatically. Some point to rap lyrics, fashion trends, street aesthetics, and social media behavior and conclude that something is wrong. Others see creativity, resilience, rhythm, and
Self-Destructive or Self-Expressive? Rethinking the Narrative Around Black Culture Read More »
Why the Question Itself Reveals Confusion When someone casually asks, “Should I just keep going and do a PhD?” it often signals that they do not fully understand the difference between graduate degrees. A bachelor’s and a master’s are different. A master’s and a PhD are even more different. They are not simply levels on
Master’s vs. PhD: Learning Knowledge vs. Creating It Read More »
Why This Conversation Feels So Charged Before the pitchforks come out, let’s acknowledge something simple. Most of us were not given a full economic education in school. We were given slogans. “Communism bad. Capitalism good.” That framing is clean, easy, and emotionally satisfying. But history is rarely clean. Economic systems are not moral fairy tales.
The Claim Behind the Opinion There is a popular idea that if a man corrects you, teaches you, or shows you a “better way,” it means he loves you. The reasoning is that men think more logically, women think more emotionally, and when he offers correction, he is sharing his worldview for your benefit. The
Correction or Control? Rethinking the Idea That “If He Corrects You, He Loves You” Read More »
People Relate to Experience, Not Declarations Let’s talk about agreements. Not the ones you sign on paper, but the invisible ones people form about who you are. Most people do not relate to who you say you are. They relate to the version of you they have repeatedly experienced. If you were reactive, they expect
Agreements, Identity, and the Cost of Consistency Read More »
The Claim About Desire and Rules There is a popular narrative that women do not negotiate or “ration” sex with men they truly desire. According to this view, when desire is genuine, women drop rules, spend money, and pursue freely. The argument goes further. It claims that only a small percentage of men receive that
Desire, Investment, and the Stories Men Tell Themselves Read More »
Understanding What Safety Really Means When people talk about what women value most in a relationship, the word safety often rises to the top. That word is simple, but its meaning runs deep. Safety is not limited to physical protection. It includes emotional steadiness, reliability, and trust. It is the feeling that when she rests
Safety Is the Foundation of Love Read More »
Slowing Down Is the First Discipline I teach critical thinking to undergraduate students, and one of the first misconceptions I correct is the belief that good thinking happens automatically. It does not. Reasoning is not a reflex like pulling your hand away from a hot stove. It takes effort and intention. You have to slow
Critical Thinking Is Effort, Not Instinct Read More »
Moving Beyond the 50/50 Myth For years, relationships have been framed around the idea of 50/50. Split the bills. Split the chores. Split the effort. On paper, that sounds fair. In practice, it often turns into scorekeeping. Who did more this week? Who paid last time? Who forgot their share? When relationships become accounting exercises,
Two Givers, One Standard: Why Real Relationships Run on 100/100 Read More »