Matching Energy Is Not Always Strength There is a phrase I hear often these days: “I’m just matching their energy.” Somebody becomes distant, so I become distant. They raise their voice, so I raise mine. They stop calling, so I stop calling. They become angry, and I make sure they understand that I can become
A Man Does Not Have to Match the Storm Read More »
“Sometimes You Just Have to Cuss People Out” I have heard people say, “Sometimes you just have to cuss somebody out because that’s the only way they’ll respect you.” I understand where that thinking comes from. There are people who test boundaries, mistake kindness for weakness, and continue pushing until somebody finally pushes back. In
I Don’t Have to Lose My Temper to Prove My Strength Read More »
Hard Work and Advancement Are Not Always the Same Thing For much of my working life, I believed that if I worked hard, did a good job, and treated people fairly, my efforts would eventually be recognized. I trusted that doing my best would speak for itself. There is considerable wisdom in that approach, but
The Unwritten Rules of Getting Ahead at Work Read More »
Knowing What to Say Is Only Half the Work I have listened to people who clearly knew their subject and still had difficulty holding a room. Their information was accurate. Their presentation was organized. Their vocabulary was impressive. Yet after a few minutes, I could almost feel people’s attention drifting away. The speaker had something
Speak So People Listen: The Quiet Power of Cadence Read More »
The Number That Stopped Me There is something about H.R. 40 that I did not fully understand until I looked more carefully at what the legislation actually proposes. H.R. 40 is not a bill ordering the federal government to start mailing reparations checks to Black folks. It does not establish a dollar amount for every
H.R. 40: How Long Does America Need to Study Reparations? Read More »
The Question That Sounds Simpler Than It Is Imagine sitting across from someone in Human Resources and hearing these words: “You have two choices. You can resign, or we can terminate you.” My first instinct might be to resign. Being able to say “I resigned” certainly sounds better than saying “I was fired.” It feels
Resign or Be Fired: Why I Would Never Make That Decision Too Quickly Read More »
The Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, and I think understanding that difference becomes increasingly important as we move through life. Two people can spend an evening alone in nearly identical circumstances and experience that time completely differently. One person may feel peaceful, free, and comfortable.
Loneliness and Solitude: Being Alone Is Not the Same as Feeling Alone Read More »
Reality Does Not Explain Itself The older I become, the more I recognize that an event and my interpretation of that event are not always the same thing. Something happens, and almost immediately my mind begins explaining it. Someone does not return my telephone call, and I wonder whether they are upset with me. A
The Space Between What Happens and What I Decide It Means Read More »
A Word I Thought I Already Knew For most of my life, if somebody said the word bulldozer, I pictured a large piece of construction equipment. I saw a heavy tractor with a broad steel blade pushing dirt, rocks, trees, and almost anything else standing in its way. The meaning seemed obvious. A bulldozer was
Before the Bulldozer Was a Machine: A Word Born in the Violence of Reconstruction Read More »
The History Is Older, but It Is Also More Complicated When I was first taught about racism in America, slavery often appeared to be the beginning of the story. Africans were brought to America, white people enslaved them, and racism developed to justify what had been done. There is truth in part of that explanation,
Before American Slavery: How Anti-Blackness Became a Racial System Read More »