I Can Understand Both Sides This is one of those relationship conversations where I can understand both people even when their feelings seem to contradict each other. I understand why a man might want a paternity test. A woman experiences pregnancy in a way a man never can because she knows biologically that the child
A Paternity Test May Give You Certainty, But What Does It Say About Trust? Read More »
Showing Up as Your Real Self One of the hardest things to do in any relationship is show up as your real self. Many of us want intimacy, but we also want protection from disappointment, rejection, conflict, and pain. So we begin editing ourselves. We hold back what we really feel. We soften truths that
Love Without Losing Yourself Read More »
When the Most Profitable Picture Is the Worst One I want you to sit with this question for a minute because I think it takes the conversation about internalized racism somewhere deeper. What happens when the most profitable version of Black visibility is the version that makes Black people easier to blame? We usually talk
When Blaming Black People Becomes Profitable Read More »
The Thought That Disturbed Me I caught myself thinking something today that disturbed me, and I had to sit with it for a minute. My brother called me from a diner and described two Black people nearby: a woman talking loudly on the phone about her child’s father being on probation and a young man
When One Image Starts Looking Like a Whole Race Read More »
The Story Many of Us Have Heard I have something I want to straighten out because I have heard this story repeated for years. Somebody will say that white people are called Caucasian because white Europeans originally came from the Caucasus Mountains. At first, that explanation sounds perfectly logical. Caucasian sounds like Caucasus, so case
Why White People Were Called Caucasian Read More »
Staying Is Not Always the Smartest Move People have been told for years that staying with one employer proves loyalty and that moving too often makes you look unstable. Sometimes that is true. But I have also seen people stay in the same job for years, doing more work, taking on more responsibility, and still
Job Hopping Is Not Always a Career Mistake Read More »
The Groove That Refused to Die I love stories like this because sometimes music takes a life of its own and travels farther than the person who created it ever imagined. In 1981, Rick James released “Super Freak,” a song with a bass line that is almost instantly recognizable. It was funky, playful, unusual, and
One Bass Line, Two Eras: Rick James, MC Hammer, and the Grammy They Shared Read More »
David Was Anointed for a Throne David was not called to become a pastor, priest, or preacher. He was anointed by Samuel to become king. That distinction matters because sometimes we have made the mistake of assuming that every spiritual calling must eventually look like church work. David’s anointing was spiritual, but his assignment was
Your Calling May Not Look Like a Pulpit Read More »
Some People Never Change the Temperature I have always been fascinated by people who can talk to anybody. They can have a real conversation with the Uber driver, the woman behind the counter, or the man fixing the elevator. They can speak just as comfortably with the CEO sitting across from them at dinner. Somehow
The People Who Can Talk to Anybody Read More »
First Impressions Happen Fast People can begin forming opinions about us almost immediately. Sometimes It often happens before we have even finished introducing ourselves. People notice how we enter a room, carry ourselves, and what we are wearing. They also notice whether we make eye contact, how our voice sounds, and whether our expression seems
What People May Decide About You Before You Say Much Read More »