The Distance Between Us Life has a way of carrying people we love in different directions, sometimes before we are ready for the separation. Family members move away, friends begin new chapters, and people who once lived around the corner can suddenly be hundreds or thousands of miles from us. As I have grown older,
When Love Travels Across the Distance Read More »
What Alignment Really Means Alignment may be one of the most important qualities in a lasting relationship, but it is easy to confuse it with attraction. Chemistry can feel powerful enough to make me believe everything else will somehow work itself out. Enjoying somebody’s company can also create the impression that we are naturally meant
Relationship Alignment: When Two Whole People Choose the Same Direction Read More »
The Argument Beneath the Argument Some of the hardest arguments I have experienced were not difficult because somebody was lying. They were difficult because both people believed they were telling the truth. I remembered the conversation one way. The other person remembered it differently. I believed I was being reasonable. They believed the same thing
Looking Back at an Earlier Kind of Marriage I sometimes hear men say that today’s man has to work much harder to find a good woman than his grandfather did. They may also believe that women today bring less to a relationship than women did in earlier generations. The statement is exaggerated, but the frustration
Were Our Grandparents Better at Love, or Did They Live in a Different World? Read More »
Beauty Is Usually Described as an Advantage We live in a culture that generally treats physical attractiveness as an advantage. Attractive people can receive more attention, more romantic interest, and sometimes more favorable first impressions. Because of that, it is easy to assume that a beautiful woman moves through life with an easier road than
When Beauty Becomes Complicated: The Social Price of Being an Attractive Woman Read More »
Somebody Taking the Time to Know Me There is a particular kind of intimacy that has very little to do with grand romantic gestures. It happens when a man takes the time to learn her slowly. They are not rushing to claim her after only two conversations. They are not calling her the love of
The Intimacy of Being Learned Slowly Read More »
I Can Love the Comedian and Still Question the Joke I can respect a Black comedian and appreciate her talent while still feeling uncomfortable with some of the humor. That discomfort comes when her Blackness, appearance, relationships, or dignity becomes part of the joke. At times, it can feel as though she is being invited
Matching Energy Is Not Always Strength There is a phrase I hear often these days: “I’m just matching their energy.” Somebody becomes distant, so I become distant. They raise their voice, so I raise mine. They stop calling, so I stop calling. They become angry, and I make sure they understand that I can become
A Man Does Not Have to Match the Storm Read More »
“Sometimes You Just Have to Cuss People Out” I have heard people say, “Sometimes you just have to cuss somebody out because that’s the only way they’ll respect you.” I understand where that thinking comes from. There are people who test boundaries, mistake kindness for weakness, and continue pushing until somebody finally pushes back. In
I Don’t Have to Lose My Temper to Prove My Strength Read More »
Knowing What to Say Is Only Half the Work I have listened to people who clearly knew their subject and still had difficulty holding a room. Their information was accurate. Their presentation was organized. Their vocabulary was impressive. Yet after a few minutes, I could almost feel people’s attention drifting away. The speaker had something
Speak So People Listen: The Quiet Power of Cadence Read More »