Language Shapes Us, but Does Not Create Us From Nothing If I had been raised in another family, culture, and language, I probably would not be exactly the same person. Language, religion, neighborhood, education, and family all help shape identity. But language does not create the whole person by itself. Human beings feel, remember, recognize,
The Words That Help Build the Person Read More »
There Is No Secret Button I have heard people say psychology can teach you how to get almost anyone to do almost anything, but human beings do not work that way. People make decisions through emotion, reasoning, habits, identity, incentives, and experience. Psychology can help us understand those patterns, but it cannot guarantee control over
Persuasion Is Not Mind Control Read More »
Compliments Get Lost When They Sound Generic People often rely on the same compliments: you are beautiful, I miss you, goodnight. Nothing is wrong with those words, but they can become so familiar that they stop feeling personal. What makes a compliment stand out is usually not how clever it sounds but how closely it
A Better Compliment Sounds Like You Mean It Read More »
Everybody Does Not Have to Like What You Like It has always seemed strange to me when people try to police who somebody else finds attractive. One man likes bigger women. Another prefers dark-skinned women. Somebody else likes a completely different type. None of that requires an argument. Attraction is personal. What catches my eye
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Sometimes the Claim Arrives Before the Question Some questions quietly carry an assumption inside them. If someone asks, “Why are you so defensive?” the sentence already assumes that you are being defensive. If you immediately begin explaining yourself, you may find yourself arguing from a position someone else chose for you. That is why certain
The Question Under the Question Read More »
I Used to Hold On Too Long There was a time when I held on to people long after the relationship stopped being healthy. I did it with friends, family, and romantic relationships. Sometimes I stayed because of history, guilt, or fear that leaving meant I had failed somebody. I became what I now call
I Stopped Hoarding People Read More »
What the Mantis Really Sees The praying mantis has remarkable vision, but not because a hidden third eye suddenly turns on. It has two large compound eyes and three smaller simple eyes called ocelli. The compound eyes do most of the detailed seeing, while the ocelli mainly detect light and help with orientation. Scientists have
When Awareness Becomes Focus Read More »
The Hardest Thing Was Not a Fight One of the hardest prison stories I ever heard had nothing to do with violence. A man who had already been incarcerated for about ten years became close with a younger man from his old neighborhood. They talked often and built a strong friendship. Other prisoners warned him
When Trust Dies Before the Friendship Does Read More »
Standards Are Not Instructions for Somebody Else I used to think having standards meant telling someone what I would and would not tolerate. But a real standard is something I am responsible for living by myself. If honesty matters to me, I should choose people who value honesty. If peace matters to me, I should
Your Standards Are Your Responsibility Read More »
Attraction Is Not Always Announced Attraction is not always obvious. Especially as people get older, they may show interest through questions instead of direct statements. A woman may ask about your life, your plans, or whether you are seeing someone. That does not mean every question is romantic. The mistake is assuming too much from
When Interest Shows Up as a Question Read More »