We Never Listen With Empty Ears I came across an idea from philosopher Hans-Georg Gadamer that made me think differently about what it means to truly listen to somebody. His work suggests that we never approach understanding with a completely empty mind because we always bring some history with us. We carry previous conversations, disappointments,
Sometimes I Hear Our History Before I Hear You Read More »
The Conversation Beyond Words The older I get, the more I realize that some of our strongest messages never come out of our mouths. We can say everything is fine while our face tells somebody that nothing is fine at all. We can say we are listening while looking at our telephone, folding our arms,
What Am I Saying When I Am Not Speaking? Read More »
What Do We Mean When We Say It Did Not Work? When we do not get the result we wanted, we often assume that what we tried did not work. A man approaches a woman directly, tells her he is interested, and she turns him down. He walks away saying being direct did not work.
Maybe It Did Work—Just Not the Way I Wanted Read More »
A Sentence That Made Me Think I once heard someone say, “If your identity depends on having somebody beneath you, you were never standing very tall in the first place.” That thought stayed with me. It sounded simple at first, but the longer I sat with it, the deeper it became. Some people can only
If I Need Somebody Beneath Me to Feel Tall Read More »
When Gossip Gets There Before We Do I have come to realize that sometimes we meet people long before we ever shake their hand. Somebody tells us a story about them, and that story gets planted in our mind before we have a chance to form our own opinion. We hear that he is jealous,
Do I Know You, or Do I Know What Somebody Told Me? Read More »
Attraction Has to Begin Somewhere One thing I have learned about relationships is that attraction cannot be forced simply because we want somebody to feel what we feel. We can present ourselves well, start a conversation, show interest, and give another person an opportunity to know us. What we cannot do is manufacture genuine desire
You Cannot Talk Somebody Into Wanting You Read More »
Walking Into a Different Kind of Room There are times when we walk into a room and immediately notice what everybody else has accomplished. Maybe the people around the table have more money, education, influence, authority, or connections than we do. Their names may open doors that have always been closed to us. Before anybody
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Learning to Enter the Room Without Losing Yourself Read More »
When Everything Changes There are seasons in life when we suddenly realize we are carrying more by ourselves than we ever expected. A relationship may end, a friendship may fade, or family may become distant. Someone we depended on may no longer be there when we need them. Sometimes people are still physically present, yet
When You Have to Survive Alone Read More »
When Modern Words Are Missing From Scripture The words boyfriend and girlfriend do not appear in the Bible, but that fact needs some historical context. The Bible was written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek long before modern dating language existed. People in biblical times did not organize romantic relationships the same way we do today.
Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Marriage, and the Building of Strong Families Read More »
When Desire Does Not Match One common challenge in a long-term relationship happens when two people have different needs for physical intimacy. One partner may want more touching, affection, or sexual closeness. The other may need more time, relaxation, privacy, or emotional connection before feeling interested. Neither person is necessarily wrong. Desire can change over
When One Partner Wants More Intimacy Than the Other Read More »