What Is the Purpose of a Relationship? Somebody once asked a question that sounds simple but gets deeper the longer I sit with it: what am I supposed to get out of being in a relationship? I understand why somebody would ask that, especially if relationships have brought more confusion than comfort. A healthy relationship
Love Is Not Supposed to Cost Me Myself Read More »
Everybody Does Not Need My Whole Story One lesson life has taught me is that everybody I meet does not automatically deserve access to my entire history. When I enter a new environment, I do not have to walk through the door carrying my résumé, accomplishments, disappointments, family business, and old wounds in my hands.
Learning to Move With Wisdom Without Losing Myself Read More »
The Silence After Love There is a quote that stayed with me: “There is nothing louder than the silence between two people who loved each other deeply but had to walk away.” I understand that kind of silence because it is not really empty at all. It can be filled with memories, unanswered questions, unfinished
When Love Is Real but Still Not Enough Read More »
The Fish Does Not Need Swimming Lessons I heard somebody say that God created fish to swim, and a fish does not need swimming lessons because the ability is already inside it. That simple thought stayed with me because there is something beautiful about creation functioning according to its nature. A fish enters the water
The Gift Is Already in You Read More »
When Life Stops Looking Familiar There have been times in my life when everything that once felt settled suddenly started moving around. Relationships changed, friendships became distant, familiar routines stopped satisfying me, and things I once depended upon no longer felt like they belonged. When that happens, the first thought can be that something has
When Things Fall Apart, Something New May Be Asking to Emerge Read More »
When the Present Moment Becomes Everything I have heard people say there is no real continuity of time and that everything exists only in this present moment. I understand why that idea can feel powerful, especially when somebody is trying to escape regret about yesterday or anxiety about tomorrow. There is something liberating about realizing
There Is Power in the Present, but Reality Still Has a Past Read More »
Something Has Changed in Military Recruiting As a Black man who served in the military, I pay attention when the conversation turns to who America recruits to defend this country. Military recruiting has always been about more than putting somebody in a uniform. It touches economics, education, opportunity, patriotism, family tradition, and sometimes the simple
Black Men, Military Service, and the Changing Face of Recruitment Read More »
The Assumptions We Make About Women Who Serve I have heard people make assumptions about women who served in the military, especially when the conversation turns to dating and relationships. Some men immediately wonder whether a woman who spent years around mostly men must have been sexually involved with a lot of them. That stereotype
Military Service Does Not Make You Better Than Anybody Else Read More »
When Basic Care Feels Extraordinary One of the hardest lessons I have learned about dating is that the first person to treat you well is not necessarily the person meant to stay. Sometimes that person simply introduces you to what healthy treatment should have looked like all along. This becomes especially important when you have
The First Person to Treat You Right May Not Be Your Person Read More »
The Question That Would Not Leave Me Alone When did you stop loving me is the kind of question that can sit inside a person long after a relationship has changed. I kept wondering whether there had been one moment when your heart turned away or whether it happened little by little. Maybe there was
When Did You Stop Loving Me? Read More »