Before the DMs: The Lost Art of Hollering at Girls

Detailed Breakdown:

This spoken-word-style reflection is a heartfelt, nostalgic, and culturally rich piece that looks back on the era before smartphones and dating apps—when approaching someone you liked took guts, finesse, and practice. It honors the tradition of in-person connection, with all the stakes and vulnerability it involved, and contrasts it with the disconnected, low-effort methods of modern dating. The piece weaves humor, sentiment, and critique, centered on the speaker’s lived experience as a young man growing up in a time where talking to girls face-to-face was a rite of passage.

1. The Nostalgia of Real Connection

From the opening lines, the speaker transports us to a time before cell phones—when a boy had to call the house and speak to someone’s mother before he could talk to the girl he liked. This memory isn’t just about romantic pursuit; it’s about respect, courage, and intention. The act of saying, “May I speak to Charlene, please?” carries weight because it shows a level of formality and accountability that no app can replicate.

Cultural Significance: This memory is deeply rooted in Black cultural experiences of the ’80s and ’90s, where “hollering” wasn’t just flirting—it was a whole process, often shared communally among young men. These were bonding moments that taught social skills, self-worth, and resilience.

2. The Ritual of the Approach

The breakdown of how the boys would “divvy out” which girl each liked before approaching a group mirrors the strategic planning of a basketball play or military formation—it’s a brotherhood, a ritual. Sending the most charismatic or bold friend to “break the ice” was an art in itself. And once a connection was made—she wrote her number on your hand or a scrap of paper—you felt like the king of the world.

Masculine Camaraderie: This is also about how young men taught each other confidence and strategy. They role-played, encouraged one another, and passed down social knowledge—skills you can’t learn swiping left or right.

3. Practicing in the Mirror:

“I sat in the mirror and said, ‘Hey, I’m RC, nice to meet you.’”

This image is both funny and deeply human. It shows the earnestness behind the act—the desire to be seen, to be liked, to be chosen. Practicing a smile, a line, a posture—this is vulnerability in its purest form. It’s teenage awkwardness wrapped in hope.

4. Why Women Still Want It:

The speaker makes a powerful point—women still want to be approached in person. Why? Because it feels good to be wanted in real time. There’s a certain magic in someone crossing the room, risking embarrassment, just to talk to you. It’s more meaningful than a double tap on Instagram or a DM saying, “Hey.”

Validation in the Real World: There’s a tangible difference between being wanted through effort and being liked out of convenience. The former builds confidence; the latter breeds detachment.

5. Men and Rejection: Then vs. Now

The speaker brilliantly compares the way men used to take rejection in stride—with resilience—to how many young men now avoid it altogether. Back then, rejection was expected. It was built into the process. You learned from it. But today, social media and dating apps provide a buffer, allowing men to dodge the sting of a real-life “no.”

Masculinity and Fragility: The reflection exposes a subtle crisis in modern masculinity. Men want love, but many aren’t willing to be vulnerable enough to earn it. There’s fear wrapped in pride—and it stunts growth.

6. The Wisdom of the “Ugly Homeboy”

This character is iconic. He knew he wasn’t the best-looking, but he hollered anyway—at 10s. Why? Because he understood a basic truth: “The worst they can say is no.” That kind of confidence—the kind that isn’t based on looks or clout, but on effort—is a life lesson. And it’s one that many men today miss out on.

Lesson in Self-Worth: This homeboy represents unshakeable self-esteem. He wasn’t afraid to be rejected, because his value wasn’t based solely on other people’s validation.

7. Ghosts of a Simpler Time

The closing lines are almost elegiac:

“You just look at that thing and you’ll dial that #15 times and just change that one number… just so Charlene’s mama answered the phone.”

This image is haunting in its tenderness. It’s not just about chasing a girl—it’s about the thrill of trying, the sweet agony of anticipation, the rawness of real-time pursuit. It’s about being young and full of hope in a world that hadn’t yet gone digital.

Longing for Vulnerability: There’s a deep, unspoken grief here—for the loss of something real, something sacred. The speaker doesn’t just miss the past. He misses the version of himself that existed in it.

Core Themes Recap:

Authenticity vs. Performance – Real life forced you to be your authentic self. Dating apps let you curate and hide.
Brotherhood & Bonding – Hollering wasn’t solo—it was a group effort, and it taught community among boys.
Vulnerability & Confidence – Pursuing someone in person meant risking hurt. It built character.
The Female Perspective – Women want to be pursued in real life. Not just seen—felt.
Emotional Evolution – Men need to relearn how to take chances, be vulnerable, and care, even if it means rejection.

Final Thought:

This piece is more than just a memory—it’s a critique, a lament, and a lesson all in one. It’s a call to young men to step out from behind the screen and into real life. It’s also a love letter to a time when things were slower, riskier, and more human. And in a world that’s becoming more automated by the day, it reminds us that romance, real connection, and self-worth still thrive in the spaces where effort lives.