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Introduction

• Opening Statement: “How can one decipher clear genuine interest after a relationship trauma? It can be very hard to trust again, nearly impossible.”
• Thesis: Instead of trying to determine if someone’s interest is genuine, focus on setting and enforcing high boundaries and standards to keep yourself safe and ensure healthy relationships.

The Challenge of Trust After Trauma

1. Difficulty in Trusting
   • Post-Trauma Trust Issues: After relationship trauma, trusting others can be extremely challenging.
   • Seeking Safety: The primary goal becomes finding ways to keep oneself safe.
2. Inability to Discern True Intentions
   • Limitations: We cannot read minds or hearts, making it impossible to discern true intentions.
   • Focus Shift: Instead of trying to determine genuineness, focus on actions and behaviors.

The Role of Boundaries and Standards

1. Establishing High Standards
   • Definition: Clear, high standards define what behaviors are acceptable and what are not.
   • Strict Adherence: Consistently uphold these standards to maintain safety and self-respect.
2. Asserting Boundaries
   • Communication: Clearly express your boundaries and standards to others.
   • Immediate Response: Respond immediately when a boundary is crossed, reinforcing its importance.

Practical Application: Enforcing Boundaries

1. Example Scenario
   • Situation: Dating someone who loses their temper.
   • Standard: “I don’t tolerate anyone who has a hot temper.”
2. Steps to Enforce Boundaries
   • First Instance: Communicate the boundary. “I noticed you got very angry, and I don’t want to be around that kind of behavior.”
   • Repeated Behavior: If the behavior repeats, enforce the boundary by walking away without further discussion.

The Process of Vetting

1. Quick Disqualification
   • Rapid Evaluation: Quickly assess if someone meets your standards.
   • No Tolerance for Repeated Violations: End relationships swiftly if standards are not met.
2. Example of Greeting Standard
   • Personal Standard: Expecting a hug and kiss as a greeting.
   • Non-Compliance: If repeatedly not met, walk away without prolonged engagement.

Benefits of High Standards and Boundaries

1. Self-Protection
   • Safety: Ensures you remain safe and respected in relationships.
   • Minimizes Trauma: Reduces the likelihood of re-traumatization.
2. Efficiency in Relationships
   • Time-Saving: Quickly identifies unsuitable partners, saving time and emotional energy.
   • Better Matches: Increases the likelihood of finding a partner who genuinely respects and aligns with your values.

Conclusion

• Final Thoughts: “We need to stop trying to decipher someone’s genuine interest and instead focus on whether they live up to our standards.”
• Call to Action: Establish clear boundaries and standards, assert them firmly, and enforce them without hesitation to ensure healthy and safe relationships.
• Encouragement: By focusing on your standards and boundaries, you empower yourself to navigate relationships with confidence and self-respect. When people show you who they are, believe them and act accordingly.