Detailed Breakdown & Analysis
This piece explores how to distinguish between a man who seeks commitment and one who is only interested in casual encounters. It challenges traditional dating norms by emphasizing alternative approaches to dating that expose a man’s true intentions.
1. The False Sense of Obligation: Why Making Him Pay Can Backfire
“If he wants no commitment, he won’t stick around if you make him pay for dates, make him cover some bills, have him buy you things.”
This challenges the traditional expectation that men should financially invest in dating. While many believe that a man spending money signifies interest, the argument here is that financial investment often creates a sense of entitlement—making some men feel they are “owed” something in return (typically sex).
“That typically makes men feel entitled to sex.”
This reveals a transactional mindset in dating—where financial investment becomes leverage rather than an act of genuine interest. The argument suggests that if a man is paying, he may feel justified in expecting something in return, which can mask his real intentions.
2. The Power of Self-Sufficiency: Why Paying for Yourself Exposes His Intentions
“You really want to expose his intentions? Don’t let him pay.”
This flips the script: rather than using money as a test of his interest, removing financial obligations forces the man to reveal whether he values you for who you are—not what you provide or allow him to ‘earn’.
“Pay your own bills. Instead of dinner dates, do coffee, go running together, go workout together, plan picnics.”
These alternative date ideas have two key advantages:
- They remove financial investment—eliminating any “pay-for-access” dynamic.
- They require time and effort—which is a stronger indicator of genuine interest.
“Do things that bring you to the public eye. Do things that require him to put in time off from work.”
This tests whether he is willing to prioritize and be seen with you. A man who is serious will be comfortable with this, whereas a man who wants to keep things low-key (often to maintain other relationships or avoid emotional investment) will resist.
3. Sex vs. Commitment: The Clear Divide
“A man who is intentional for commitment will love this. A man who is not will hate this.”
This establishes a simple litmus test:
- A man genuinely interested in commitment will value non-monetary time together.
- A man seeking convenience (or just sex) will be frustrated by the lack of an exchange dynamic.
“He’s a heathen, a whoremonger. He hates that he can’t pay. He hates that you don’t owe him anything.”
This line uses strong language to highlight the frustration some men feel when they cannot leverage financial spending for romantic or physical access. It underscores the power shift that happens when women reject transactional dating.
4. The Public Eye Test: Is He Hiding You?
“He don’t want to go out in the sun like it’s other shorties out there. They might see it. They might see y’all.”
This implies that a man who resists public outings might be hiding something—whether it’s other relationships or an unwillingness to be associated with you seriously.
- If a man is serious, he will proudly be seen with you.
- If he hesitates, he likely wants to keep things discreet for self-serving reasons.
5. The Final Test: Removing Sex as a Bargaining Chip
“It’s going to be one thing or the other—sex or commitment.”
This presents the ultimate choice. If sex is off the table, a man with no genuine commitment intentions will leave.
“If you take sex off the table, he’ll beg for it or walk away.”
- If he stays, he values you beyond physical intimacy.
- If he walks away, he was only there for the physical aspect to begin with.
This is framed as a foolproof way to separate serious contenders from opportunists.
Key Takeaways: The New Dating Standard
- Remove Financial Leverage – Paying for yourself eliminates the transactional aspect of dating and forces men to show their real intentions.
- Prioritize Non-Monetary Quality Time – Choose activities that require effort rather than spending, revealing who genuinely values your presence.
- Test Public Presence – If he hesitates to be seen with you, question why. Commitment-ready men will have no problem being public.
- Take Sex Off the Table – The ultimate test. If he stays, he values you. If he leaves, he was never serious.
Final Thought: Taking Back Control in Dating
This approach shifts power back to women by eliminating financial and physical leverage from the equation. It forces men to reveal their true intentions early, preventing wasted time and emotional investment in men who were never serious to begin with.