Detailed Breakdown:

1. Prevalence of Emotional Unavailability: The speaker begins by suggesting that emotional unavailability is far more common than we often realize. Many people may be emotionally unavailable without outwardly displaying obvious signs, making it difficult to detect. This can lead to situations where individuals invest emotionally, intellectually, financially, or in other ways, without realizing that the person they are investing in is unable or unwilling to reciprocate.

2. Key Indicator: Lack of Reciprocity: One of the main indicators of emotional unavailability is the lack of reciprocity. Emotionally unavailable individuals often have a reason or excuse for why they cannot return the emotional investment, time, or vulnerability that they are receiving. They may gladly accept what is offered to them—whether it be affection, attention, or even financial support—yet, when it comes to reciprocating these efforts, they struggle. The difficulty lies in their inability to provide the same level of intentionality and emotional depth that is expected of them in a balanced relationship.

3. The Allure of the Idea: The speaker explains that emotionally unavailable people often like the idea of a relationship or partnership, which is why they may entertain the other person’s affection and attention. However, the moment they realize that the emotional benefits they enjoy come with the responsibility of reciprocation, they withdraw. They are available to receive, but unavailable to engage in the emotional exchange that a true connection requires.

4. The Danger of Emotional Attachment: The sad reality, as the speaker highlights, is that many people only discover their partner’s emotional unavailability after they have already formed an attachment or developed deep feelings. By the time emotional unavailability becomes apparent, the individual who has been giving is often already emotionally invested, making it difficult to step back or walk away. This makes emotional unavailability particularly dangerous, as it is often hard to detect at the beginning of a relationship, and once detected, hard to disengage from emotionally.

5. Difficulty in Spotting Emotional Unavailability: The difficulty in identifying emotional unavailability lies in the fact that the person may not communicate their lack of emotional reciprocity outright. They might appear to be engaged or even enthusiastic about the relationship at first, but over time, their reluctance or inability to meet emotional needs becomes clearer. It can be especially difficult to recognize because many emotionally unavailable people continue to engage in a way that keeps the relationship alive but prevents it from deepening emotionally.

6. Conclusion: The speaker emphasizes that emotional unavailability is a challenging issue because it is hard to spot early on and even harder to address once emotional attachment has been formed. The key takeaway is the importance of recognizing the signs—particularly the lack of reciprocity—and addressing them before becoming too emotionally invested. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals protect themselves from the pain of forming deep connections with someone who is unable or unwilling to reciprocate the same level of emotional commitment.

This understanding encourages a proactive approach to emotional health, ensuring that relationships are built on mutual emotional investment and not just one-sided efforts.